My emotions are flooding. 

At this point I called 9-1-1, a doctor ran a test, and now I am in the back of the ambulance vehicle.

I could not hear the sirens -- even though they were extremely loud.

They were asking me questions.

As I give them my health card and history health sheet, my brain is forminating mental movies and pictures.

 

Looking at the rear view window, I see her family cars tailing us.

“Do not cry!”

Is what I communicate to myself.

The more I say “don’t”, the more I do.

Feelings and awareness usually lead me to actions.

However, crying, in a way I can not control, makes me frail and weak.  

When they were about to put me in the emergency room, I completely stopped.

The driver and doctors looked in a state of panic.

“I am sorry for crying.”

“No worries. All the stuff you have been through--”

“It is not for me. I am crying for a different reason. I am crying due to the fact that today is the birthday of the person who was with me in the back of the ambulance. It is her day. I do not want her to remember her birthday sitting around, waiting all night, for me in the waiting room.”

“Oh.”

When have you cried?

A different, second level, invisible to you, subtle imperfection -- type of cry.

Do words.

A song.

Expression.

Exist for your tears?

In a private journal, or a page where you keep it to yourself.

Write it down and how you felt. 

There is no right or wrong answer.

The question will look different after a day, month, or year.

Perhaps it won’t.

It is possible that it is so deep, you do not know it is alive.

Mine was definitely odd.

It took me several months to thoroughly understand my thoughts at that moment.

Having introspection will hopefully give you strength to let go of the limitation and teach you to see. 

-Arthur